This is an invaluable technique for dealing with people problems in a non-confrontational way. If someone else’s behavior is causing you problems, this is the way to handle it. Maybe your boss persistently refuses to hand over schedules to you until the last minute, or perhaps a colleague is often sarcastic towards you in meetings. Feedback works with colleagues, superiors and subordinates and will resolve most problems without unpleasantness.

There are three ground-rules you need to follow when you use feedback to make sure you don’t rile the other person into an emotional response:

• Don’t exaggerate. Avoid phrases like ‘You’re late with everything’.
• Don’t judge. This means resisting making remarks such as, ‘Your time management is pathetic’.
• Don’t label. Don’t tell someone ‘You’re disorganized’, ‘You’re a whinger’ or ‘You’re a prima donna’.

You wouldn’t like it if others did these things to you, so resist doing them yourself. Remember that the object of the exercise is to resolve the problem, not to score points.

So, bearing these three principles in mind, here’s how to use feedback. Before you start, find an opportunity to speak to the other person in private when neither of you is hurried. Think through what you plan to say before you get there, and word the key phrases in your mind so that they don’t include exaggerations, judgments or labels. OK, now you’re ready:

1 When you talk, focus on yourself and not the other person, for example, ‘I feel pressured and taken for granted when you hand over the schedules at the last minute.’ As before, use the ‘I feel… when you …” technique to prevent the other person becoming defensive.
2 Explain why this is: ‘It’s much more time-consuming for me getting everything to run smoothly when I can’t set the ball rolling in good time. And I get a lot of stick from other people for being so late.’
3 Now it’s their turn. Be quiet and listen attentively while they put their point of view.
4 They may ask you to give examples, so be prepared to quote specific instances to them.
5 Suggest a solution, and see how the other person feels. If you bludgeon them into something that they aren’t happy with, it won’t work. So you need to cooperate to find a solution. (If you can’t see any solution, by the way, there’s no point tackling the problem in the first place.) But offer something practical: ‘I realize you’re pressed for time too. What if I drew up a draft schedule for you a couple of weeks ahead, then you’d only have to check it through and approve it?’
6 Listen to their reply, and be prepared to compromise.
Feedback will resolve the majority of tricky people problems once you learn to use it. If you are a manager, teach it to your team and watch the levels of conflict reduce.

Whether or not there’s a job in the offing at the moment, you want everyone to

Climbing that ladder can be easy!

know that you can do the job you are hoping to move into. You are hoping that when your more senior colleague finally moves on, everyone will assume it’s a foregone conclusion that the job’s yours. You’ve seen it happen often enough: everyone can see that the more junior team member is ready-made for the job when it comes up. The closer you can get to that state of affairs, the better.

So how are you going to demonstrate that you can do the job? Essentially by doing it. Always be the first to volunteer if there’s any overflow of work being handed down. Put yourself in line for taking over parts of the job – especially taking over responsibilities. If working out the time sheets is an onerous task for your colleague, offer to learn it from them so you can take it over, or at least do part of it. Volunteer to do your colleague’s research for them when they write reports. Suggest that if you were trained in using the spreadsheet software, you could enter the day-to-day accounts yourself. And, of course, miss no opportunity to step into as much of the job as necessary when the colleague in question is away on business, on holiday or off sick.

Just one word of caution here: don’t get pushy. You’ll make yourself unpopular and that won’t help your chances of success. You don’t want your colleague to think that you are trying to pinch their job. You’re not. You want them to stay there until they’re ready to move on. It’s just that when they do move on, you want to be first in line. Some colleagues will actively encourage you and groom you to take over from them when the time comes, while others will feel threatened and nervous if you show any sign of treading on what they see as their territory.

Don’t break the chain
It doesn’t hurt to groom a replacement for yourself. You don’t want to miss out on a promotion because your boss can’t afford to spare you from the job you’re in now. So make sure it doesn’t happen: show some other capable person how to do your job, ready to step into your shoes as soon as you get the chance to step out of them.

If you’re dealing with a colleague (or maybe even your boss) whose job you want train up for and who is easily threatened, you’ll need to tread carefully:

• Don’t offer to take on too many responsibilities at once. Wait until they have got used to you doing a particular task as a matter of course before adding the next one to your portfolio.
• They won’t feel you’re closing in if you keep emphasizing the gap between the two of you. So point out how, if you take this menial task off their hands, they’ll have more time for the really important stuff. For example, ‘I can see that the report you’re working on is going to be very important to the department. Would you like me to do a bit of running around researching the information for you, so you have more time to invest in the report itself?’
• Don’t do anything behind their back. People who are easily threatened can get paranoid. Suppose you decide you want to learn to operate the spreadsheet software, but you’re worried that they may feel threatened if you let them know this. So you get someone else to teach you. Now imagine your colleague finds out; what will they think? Not only are you trying to learn their job, but you’re trying to do it in secret. So never try this technique – it can backfire horribly.
• If they show any signs of paranoia, tell them what your agenda is. It’s perfectly reasonable, and they’d probably do the same themselves. Maybe they already have their eye on someone else’s job. Make it very clear that you don’t want to replace them until they’re ready to move on and up themselves.

You Can Do Better
As well as learning how to do the job in question, look at ways you could improve on it too. Look for opportunities to do even better than the present incumbent, and make a mental note of them. That way, you can make a good strong impression when you apply for the job, by explaining how you see it developing, and again when you finally step into it.

When you ask for a pay rise your boss may agree to everything you’re asking for, or to most of it, or to a small percentage, or to none at all. But when it comes to promotion, either you get the job or you don’t. Occasionally your employer might create a new intermediate post for you, but generally a no is precisely that. No.

So what do you do? You have the option of leaving, of course, and you might decide to do that if you feel you want to move up the ladder and there’s not likely to be another opportunity here for a while. But most people who miss out on promotion still choose to stay in the organization. Assuming you want to stay -at least for the moment – how do you handle being turned down? There are two important steps you can take to make sure that you still benefit from the situation, even though you haven’t got the job you wanted:

• Ask why you weren’t appointed to the job.
• Ask for a pay rise.

Why didn’t you get the job?
Fix up a meeting with your boss, following all the guidelines for asking for a pay rise: preparing your case, and setting up a good half hour to an hour in private with them. Begin by asking for the reasons why you missed out on the promotion. You felt you were a strong candidate, and you’d like to know what your boss considered were your weak points so that you can work on them. That way, you’ll stand a better chance next time.

If your boss tries to flannel you, and tell you you’re wonderful but the successful candidate was even better, explain that this isn’t very helpful: ‘I really want to know where I was weak, or where they were stronger than me, so that I can improve my chances next time there’s a possibility of promotion. I appreciate that you don’t want to hurt my feelings, but you’ll be doing me a favor if you give me feedback that helps me in future.’

Get your boss to be as specific as possible about any areas where you may have failed to make the grade:
• qualifications
• skills
• experience
• interpersonal skills.

Make a written note so you can’t forget what they’ve said, and then make it your mission to work on all these areas ready for the next promotion opportunity. There’s no point arguing with your boss about their opinions of you. For one thing, the decision is made now. And for another, if they perceive that you are weak, that’s what counts: they make the decisions on promotion. It doesn’t matter what you think.

If your boss has, say, three reasons for not promoting you yet and you argue defensively and vociferously with the first one, they may decide not to bother to mention the others and thus save themselves an unpleasant row. Few people enjoy criticizing others, so make it easy for them. Otherwise you may never find out all the things you need to know to improve your chances next time.

Swallow Your Pride
Whatever happens, make sure you are pleasant and co-operative with the person who gets the job you wanted, even if you now have to work directly under them. They may be a previous colleague or someone from outside the organization. Either way, by taking the job, they only did what you would have done yourself in their position. No matter how strongly you believe they are the wrong person for the job, if you behave badly towards them in any way, you will be seen as petty and mean-spirited. This image will do nothing for your chances of promotion, salary increase or anything else in the future. Be magnanimous, however, and you’ll score big brownie points.

Ask for a pay rise
You’ve just gone through the whole process of demonstrating your value in order to earn the promotion. You may have missed out there, but you’ve almost certainly shown that you are at least some way better than the job you’re doing. So capitalize on this opportunity to get your salary increased, according to all the principles we’ve already covered.

And let’s not forget that you have the psychological advantage here. I’m not suggesting you ask for a rise you don’t deserve, but there’s no denying that this is good timing. Your boss has already turned you down for promotion. They’re going to feel dreadful if they don’t even give you a pay rise in compensation. Of course, they may be prepared to feel dreadful. But if you’ve got a strong case for a rise, it would take a pretty hard-headed boss to refuse you just now.

No chance?
And what if there’s no chance for promotion? Maybe you work for a small company, or in a ‘flat’ organization. Or perhaps it’s just that no one above you shows any sign of leaving, so the opportunity doesn’t arise. If this happens, don’t despair. You simply need to create a new job for yourself and make sure you get the salary and the job title that reflects the added responsibilities and achievements.