This is an invaluable technique for dealing with people problems in a non-confrontational way. 
If someone else’s behavior is causing you problems, this is the way to handle it. Maybe your boss persistently refuses to hand over schedules to you until the last minute, or perhaps a colleague is often sarcastic towards you in meetings. Feedback works with colleagues, superiors and subordinates and will resolve most problems without unpleasantness.
There are three ground-rules you need to follow when you use feedback to make sure you don’t rile the other person into an emotional response:
• Don’t exaggerate. Avoid phrases like ‘You’re late with everything’.
• Don’t judge. This means resisting making remarks such as, ‘Your time management is pathetic’.
• Don’t label. Don’t tell someone ‘You’re disorganized’, ‘You’re a whinger’ or ‘You’re a prima donna’.
You wouldn’t like it if others did these things to you, so resist doing them yourself. Remember that the object of the exercise is to resolve the problem, not to score points.
So, bearing these three principles in mind, here’s how to use feedback. Before you start, find an opportunity to speak to the other person in private when neither of you is hurried. Think through what you plan to say before you get there, and word the key phrases in your mind so that they don’t include exaggerations, judgments or labels. OK, now you’re ready:
1 When you talk, focus on yourself and not the other person, for example, ‘I feel pressured and taken for granted when you hand over the schedules at the last minute.’ As before, use the ‘I feel… when you …” technique to prevent the other person becoming defensive.
2 Explain why this is: ‘It’s much more time-consuming for me getting everything to run smoothly when I can’t set the ball rolling in good time. And I get a lot of stick from other people for being so late.’
3 Now it’s their turn. Be quiet and listen attentively while they put their point of view.
4 They may ask you to give examples, so be prepared to quote specific instances to them.
5 Suggest a solution, and see how the other person feels. If you bludgeon them into something that they aren’t happy with, it won’t work. So you need to cooperate to find a solution. (If you can’t see any solution, by the way, there’s no point tackling the problem in the first place.) But offer something practical: ‘I realize you’re pressed for time too. What if I drew up a draft schedule for you a couple of weeks ahead, then you’d only have to check it through and approve it?’
6 Listen to their reply, and be prepared to compromise.
Feedback will resolve the majority of tricky people problems once you learn to use it. If you are a manager, teach it to your team and watch the levels of conflict reduce.