If you lose your temper, are easily upset, or frequently find yourself riled by other people – and it shows – you give the impression of being someone who isn’t in full control of themselves. And if you can’t control yourself (so the logic goes), how can you control a department/a project/a budget or whatever? If you want people to see you as capable and responsible, you have to start by showing that you are in charge of your own emotions.
Think about the people you work with. I suspect that the most highly respected people in your organization very rarely fly off the handle, panic or burst into tears. Those people who do these things may be popular, they may be feared, they may be treated with caution. But they are rarely respected in the way that the cool-headed managers are. So you need to learn to stay calm under duress if you want to handle people in a way that will impress your boss.
When we respond emotionally to someone else who upsets or angers us, we generate a similar response in them. Suddenly you find the whole encounter becomes unpleasant, and the conflict can quickly run out of control. Apart from anything else, you make the only possible solution a win-lose one, which no one is going to want to lose. In other words, emotional responses are never the best way to resolve tricky situations – we’ll look at better ways of doing this in a moment.
So resist any temptation to:
• get angry
• become sarcastic or snide
• burst into tears
• sulk
• panic.
Or display any other negative emotional behavior, even if you feel it inside. Tell yourself that you are calm and cool, and you can handle the situation like an adult. And remember that every time you succeed, you are laying the next stone in building up your respect and standing in the organization.
Some people can be downright infuriating, and biting your tongue seems next to impossible. When this happens, get out. Make an excuse and leave the room until you have calmed down. You can simply say, ‘I’m not happy about this. I’ll talk to you about it later’, and then go. If there is no way you can leave the room, just say nothing and count to ten under your breath. Remember that it is better not to speak at all if you are too emotional to speak calmly.