Joketime! A light perspective on the economy?

Laughter is something we all need more of!

1.) Chris: Lend me fifty.
Derek: I only have forty.
Chris: Well, then let me have the forty and you can owe me ten.
2.) Employer: We can pay you $300 a week now, and $500 a week in eight months.
Applicant: Fine, I'll drop by again in eight months.
3.) Dad: My son just received his B.A.
Neighbor: I suppose next he'll be looking for a Ph.D.
Dad: No, now he's looking for a J-O-B!
4.) A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
5.) Money talks… it says goodbye.
6.) Employee: I have been here 11 years doing three mens' work for one man's pay. Now I would like a raise.
Boss: Well, I can't give you a raise, but if you'll tell me who the other two men are, I'll fire them.
7.) An employee went to the payroll department to complain that his check was $30.00 short. "But our records show that you were overpaid $30.00 last week," said the payroll clerk, "and you didn't complain." The worker replied, " An occasional mistake I can overlook, but not two in a row."
8.) Two attorneys walked into the office on Monday morning, talking about their weekends."I got a dog for my kids over the weekend," one said. The other lawyer responded, "Good trade."
9.) An applicant was being interviewed by the human resources director. Scanning the resume, the director commented, "I must say… you've been fired from every job you've held!" "Well, sir, at least I'm not a quitter!" replied the applicant.
10.) People say that hard work never killed anybody. But on the other hand, I've never known anyone who rested to death.
11.) "In this job, we need someone who is responsible," said the employer. "Yes sir, I'm your man," answered the jobseeker. "On my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
12.) A banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. He floundered in the water. His friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted," Can you float alone?" "Well, you would need some sort of collateral," the banker shouted back, "but this is a bad time to discuss business."
13.) One worker to another: "How long have you been working here?" His co-worker: "Since they threatened to fire me."
14.) Interviewer to job applicant: "For a man with no retail experience, you certainly are asking for a high wage." Applicant: "Well, the work will be a lot harder for me since I won't know what I'm doing."
15.) My company posted a notice next to the timeclock. It said that the company calendar had a typo, and that the union-won holiday wasn't really a holiday at all. The company blamed the printer for the mistake. The first line of the notice read, "Please Take Notice." So, the guy standing next to me did!